


Same Old Lang Syne

by hajo4354



Category: Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Regrets, reckoning with unhappiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:48:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21909229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hajo4354/pseuds/hajo4354
Summary: Years later, an older Veronica is back in Neptune for the holidays. A chance encounter offers her an opportunity to catch up with people from that past and sort out her present.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 16





	Same Old Lang Syne

**Author's Note:**

> So in addition to be the best Christmas song of all time, this song is my inspiration for this fic:  
> Same Old Lang Syne, Dan Fogleberg

“I...don’t want a lot for Christmas…”

Veronica rolled her eyes hard in the grocery store as they played Mariah Carey for the second time during her errand, on top of the three times she had heard it in other stores today. She threw a can of Pringles into her cart on top of a pile of other junk food, with maybe too much force. The other people in the aisle looked up at the loud crash it made, but Veronica just walked to the candy aisle. 

The grocery store was crazier on Christmas Eve than she thought it would be, with harried folks dashing around getting last minute supplies for better holiday meals than she had in the works. She had planned on a passable dinner with her father, he was always a big fan of Cornish hens after she had made them the first time. She’d flown from New York, away from everything for a bit, Keith and the holidays were supposed to be a distraction. But then Keith had been pulled away with a bail jumper, and the reward was too high to say no. She could hardly blame him, Christmas had never been the biggest deal for them, and it really was a lot of money. All the rationalizing aside though, she was on her own and it still sucked, and now here she was, trying to navigate around the carts people left haphazardly in the aisles, avoiding everything festive and going straight for the ice cream and wine. If she was going to be alone, she was going to treat herself. 

The aisle with the wine was especially crowded, everyone knowing that every holiday gathering was made better with alcohol. She knelt down to grab two bottom shelf cheap bottles of wine, when someone’s cart rammed into hers. 

“Oh, I’m sorry ma’am,” the offender said.

Veronica stood up, bottle of wine in each hand, ready to throw another eye roll at whoever wasn’t watching where they were going. She almost dropped the bottles when she recognized who it was.

“Ma’am?” she asked. “I know it’s been a while, Logan, but there’s no way I look that old yet.”

Logan smiled and Veronica felt launched back into the past. His smile hadn’t changed one bit. His body was fitter, and his face had a few more lines, but that smile still sent flutters to her stomach. 

“Party at your place tonight?” he asked, gesturing to the bottles of wine and the snack food in her cart. 

“Just me and these two guys,” she put the bottles into the cart. “Should be the best threesome ever. You got big plans tonight?” She followed suit with his small talk. Asking what he was up to tonight was easier than asking what he had been up to for the past... she’d lost track of how many years it had been since she’d talked to him. Easier than apologizing for how she’d never reached out, how she’d never replied when he’d tried. 

A glimpse into his cart and she saw it looked a lot like hers, snack food and alcohol. 

“This here is supplies for the classic Echolls Christmas party. The poker party, not the ass-kissing my affair my dad would throw.”

Veronica nodded, remembering a time when she had swindled an unsuspecting Logan out of his money during one of those lavish affairs. “Well, if you move your cart I’ll let you get to losing all your money to everyone. You better hope they don’t know your tell like I do.”

She swiveled her cart around his, telling herself not to look back.

“Veronica?” Alright, she guessed the loophole to looking back was if he asked her to. 

“My game doesn’t start for a little bit, do you want to go get a drink somewhere?”

Veronica smiled. “I’d like that, let me just put back the ice cream. I’ll meet you outside.” She loaded up all of her non-perishable supplies into the back of her car, meeting him by his.

The California December air was only slightly chilly, and they walked the couple blocks to find a bar.

Veronica thought of the last time Logan had written her, after several other letters had gone unanswered, a couple years after graduating college. He’d sent it to her dad’s place, hoping it would get to her, telling her he had enlisted in the Navy. He’d told her he’d gotten his life on track, and hoped she was doing better too. She hadn’t replied.

“So being a pilot, how did that happen?” she asked, pushing down guilt. 

“Oh you know, they promised me flying planes would be fun, and they were right. I stayed because it seemed like a more productive way to get the adrenaline rush than fighting. And what about you, I haven’t heard what you got up to after Stanford?”

“Law school, Columbia. A million songs can’t really tell you what it is about New York that there is to love, but there’s something about a big city...and the snow!” Veronica didn’t think she’d love snow, but after the constant temperate weather of California it was nice to be some place where the seasons changed, like they were encouraging you to change too.

“Logan, look, I’m sorry I never reached out…” she trailed off, not sure where to go from there. Most exes didn’t keep in touch, she knew that. But Logan was more than an ex, there was so much more history there than just the relationship. 

“I get it, we moved on in our own ways. I couldn’t do it unless I knew you knew I was doing good, I just wanted you to know I’d figured some stuff out. I was a college kid, what did I know?” Logan laughed half-heartedly. 

They walked in silence for a little bit longer, before it became apparent that nothing was going to be open.

“Turn around and drink the wine in my car?” she suggested.

“No objections, your honor,” he joked.

“I’m a lawyer, not a judge!”

“I’ve always thought it would be fun to say “objections!” in a courtroom, it’s like a classy fuck you to the other lawyer.”

Veronica laughed. “Of course it’s fun. But I’m hardly in the courtroom, corporate law is really just settling whenever we can.”

Logan looked down at her. “And you like that?”

“I like the stability. Law school was my way to stay in touch with the PI stuff, but on the better side of it, less destructive, to me and others. Thought maybe I could do a lot of good, but then I needed to pay off my loans, and well, I’m still there.” She’d thought a lot about leaving, all the time. Every time she craved more excitement though, she thought about what had made her leave Neptune in the first place. All the people she had hurt, she couldn’t be that person again. Corporate law was so sterile, so removed from individuals, she never got close enough to anyone to do any damage, or be damaged for that matter. “It’s good for me.” Her voice had said that over and over, defending her to herself and others, not quite believing it, and it didn’t look like Logan was buying it either. She was mercifully saved from his commentary as they neared her car.

“You sure you still have time for a drink?” she asked.

“I cancelled when I saw you, I’d rather be here than losing my money.”

Veronica was glad she’d bought the cheap wine, it had the benefit of a twist off top. Logan sat in her passenger seat, and she offered him the first drink. 

They passed the bottle a couple of times, and Veronica tried to think of the easiest topic to land on that wasn’t weather or sports or something equally obviously shallow.

He spoke before she could think of something. “You know I host poker on Christmas Eve because I miss my mom’s parties. They were hers, not my dad’s. She’d throw it every single year, made her really happy to go all out and decorate. It was her favorite time of year.” He took a long sip of wine before passing it back over. 

Veronica wasn’t sure how to reply, I’m sorry seemed so inefficient. Logan seemed content to move on with the conversation, asking “Where’s your dad this Christmas? I thought you were here to visit him?”

“Went to chase a bail jumper. The money was too good to say no, and I think he likes the adventure of it every once in a while, makes him still feel young.”

They sat in silence yet again, and the guilt crept up as the wine loosened her tongue.

“I’m sorry, I should have replied to your letters, kept in contact, something. We were just both so broken and I thought I could fix it better on my own, you know? Try to move on, find someone who wasn’t as self-destructive as I am…” she tailed off, looking at him to see if she’d hurt his feelings with that. “I didn’t know you’d get it all figured out so well,” she smiled. “And I bet that uniform looks great on you,” she joked and got him to laugh.

“I’ve been told by many a woman that it’s the sexiest thing they’ve ever seen,”

“Always the heartbreaker.”

Logan’s smile faded a bit. “Yeah, still on my own. Couple of girlfriends here and there, but, you know the demons run deep, haven’t found the Cinderella slipper to fit the cloven hoof inside me yet.” Veronica gave a half a laugh; there was real loneliness under his joke.

“You?” he asked.

“Yeah, he’s an architect in the city, we actually live together.” Veronica watched him take a longer sip of wine. “He’s a good man, good for me.” He’d had to work around the holiday, wasn’t able to come to Neptune with her. She was okay with that, she wasn’t sure how much she missed him even. 

Logan passed her the bottle. “You said that about your job too.”

Veronica drank. “Last sip?” She offered it to him, but he shook his head, and she finished it off. 

“It didn’t sound convincing either time.”

Veronica looked at his face, that face she had known every inch of at one time, could call it up at an instant when she remembered her high school years. There were small wrinkles lining it now, small creases around his eyes. Those eyes though, those could never change. 

“What I wanted wasn’t always good for me.”

He smiled. “The only person who could ever stop you from getting what you wanted was always you.”

Veronica knew, she’d been punishing herself for years for the way everything had gone down. Her father had forgiven her; she’d cost him the election in the end, and any chance at redemption in his career. He’d never made her feel guilty, but she still was. She couldn’t help it, she’d shouldered responsibility early in life and she never learned to let some of the weight go after all these years. 

The bottle stood empty between them. Logan looked at his watch. “It’s getting late,” he said. Veronica agreed without even knowing what the time was. 

Logan gave her an awkward hug over the center console. “It was really good to see you, Veronica. Take care of yourself.” He gave her that same old smile, before opening the door and leaving. 

Take care of yourself. She knew it wasn’t just a casual goodbye. In it she heard, an “I love you,” a “Please do right by yourself,” a “Let it all go.” She drove home, ready to break into all the snacks. Every major life decision needed some good comfort food, and there was some considering she needed to do. 

…

Logan watched her car drive away. He’d always wondered how she had ended up, where she had ended up, whether or not she was happy. She was doing well for herself, that was true, but Logan didn’t think she was happy. Her taillights receded, and he turned to his car, tears threatening behind his eyes. That wasn’t his Veronica. He remembered her that Christmas, so many years ago, across the poker table from him, confident, mischievous, his Veronica. It started raining and he turned on his windshield wipers. Maybe the next time they met it would be his Veronica.


End file.
